im 18 and im in love with girls, but unliek most 18 yr olds my abuse has left me with very strange fetishes i guess idk, i seem to be extremely aroused by situations whne the grl is n control and im not(i was abused by my sadistic mom) which is probly why, unless im really drunk where i like to be in control, how do i find a medium, i wnat to have regular sex, also i cant seem to have sex unless im intoxicated to jsut past that buzzed feeling, the whoel fetish thing arouses and scares me, im afraid that it is what i will always seek, but at the same time find myslef wanting it desparatly, i dotn know what to do, anyone have any advice

I will bend over backward for you