it's weird
i need to talk about my perceptions in life this keeps me going -

it is like art - it is like a check in

it gives to me - in a way that is affirming -

to produce what i see feel hear and notice -

gives me life - gives me food -

gives me what i need not to die of a gray ashness


nourishment comes to many for our training - it
is skewed -

some go to addiction -
of any kind -

the only nourishment we were allowed was -

that which in some ways - what we were trained

to -

and so it became all we trusted all we believed or knew -

i have been stuck in art - needing meaning and being able to mentalize all before it happened so as not to suffer more and more

art gave more than people contact -


(i see so much and yet - desperately it is becoming a mountain of what is ahead - and so
i must live outside meaning somewhat??

oh who knows - i can't structure myself to nothingness -

will i survive ok - ?

i will survive well enough i bet -

just need to adjust my expectation of achieving
everything i feel will make my life liveable -

and really rethink - what is absolutely necessary versus - just a smarter shor term plan -)

" not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous