On vacation this month so will not be posting for weeks...
Sexual Orientation or identity
Due to CSA seems there are limited options for sexual activities in
my experience starting in my teens. I see this in other’s posts.
Discussing such without getting explicit is difficult.
What I see in some and myself is the sexual abuse so damaged some that they
cannot or get very uncomfortable or triggered by certain sexual acts. When one adds this to the other things such as such as the issues of:
1. Am I gay?
2. Am I bi?
3. Am I asexual?
4. I’m homophobic and that is that
5. I’m homophobic and I am gay or leaning that way?
6. I imagine being a girl?
7. I hate sex
8. Prefer porn to “real world” sex
9. Did sexual abuse cause all my issues?
For each decade since the 1960’s I have avoided certain types of potential partners due to my unwillingness to do or have done to me certain activities. No amount of therapy will ever change some of the issues but therapy did wonders with how I viewed myself and
others. If I was say even 50-I suspect that I would have a sexual orientation issue. But having a bit of a fantasy life can be helpful. Trouble is as we read here some move into a world of porn on the web and all that entails. Things that once dove me crazy and pained have long since dimmed. Humor is an essential part of my coping.
Wonder how many partners I drove to a bit of insanity? I was seldom cruel but left a few wondering what planet I beamed down from. As to liking boys versus girls? I like people who match my goals and have traits that I admire and still avoid all who remind me of my abuser or the situations. Perhaps that is why I moved into the “big sky” country and
avoid the reality of 21st century America.
Rocky Mt Joe