Putting away the toxic porn sites that have filled me with guilt, and enough shame to sacrifice positive relationships with people. I did this last night - without the drugs, the pills i take that amp the climax. you know, i slept little and had an interesting out-of-body experience. i dont feel well at all. i was dizzy all day and even made some stupid public mistakes (brought the shelf box of a blockbuster video box instead of the actual rental - all while sweating my ass off)
Something will come out of this when I go to work tomorrow, and I will feel something different, I think - from abstaining from self-molestation.
The drugs - 28 Tylenol Pm's - i'm surprised (as you) that i'm still alive to tell you - up from about 10 years of abusing it. I'm sure there's something medically revealing about the body's way of adjusting (**started at 1, worked way up to 28, was never all 28 all the time).
So, tomorrow, I will call the center to get the help - with the revelation of the abuse of sleep medication. To which, i'm sure, I will be given something like Ambien and probably a verbal thrashing.
I'll also reveal the Ephedrine abuse: which help me to be social, while making me focus on getting work done.
So, at night - its the Tylenol PM's and the day, it's Ephedrine. But, i'm cold turkey so far one day, and I wont touch myself again, and will just count sheep.
I'll hope I wont get fired from looking not-stoned. But, maybe some compassion and understanding from people "I think" knew all along?
I will see, but it's a test for me - its all I can do to get the help I know I need.
'Say a prayer for me' - "Plowed" by Sponge
Who is this doing the synthetic type of alpha beta psychedelic funkin?