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#131917 - 05/02/05 04:51 AM Abstaining
PhillyPa Offline

Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 64
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
Putting away the toxic porn sites that have filled me with guilt, and enough shame to sacrifice positive relationships with people. I did this last night - without the drugs, the pills i take that amp the climax. you know, i slept little and had an interesting out-of-body experience. i dont feel well at all. i was dizzy all day and even made some stupid public mistakes (brought the shelf box of a blockbuster video box instead of the actual rental - all while sweating my ass off)
Something will come out of this when I go to work tomorrow, and I will feel something different, I think - from abstaining from self-molestation.
The drugs - 28 Tylenol Pm's - i'm surprised (as you) that i'm still alive to tell you - up from about 10 years of abusing it. I'm sure there's something medically revealing about the body's way of adjusting (**started at 1, worked way up to 28, was never all 28 all the time).

So, tomorrow, I will call the center to get the help - with the revelation of the abuse of sleep medication. To which, i'm sure, I will be given something like Ambien and probably a verbal thrashing.
I'll also reveal the Ephedrine abuse: which help me to be social, while making me focus on getting work done.
So, at night - its the Tylenol PM's and the day, it's Ephedrine. But, i'm cold turkey so far one day, and I wont touch myself again, and will just count sheep.
I'll hope I wont get fired from looking not-stoned. But, maybe some compassion and understanding from people "I think" knew all along?
I will see, but it's a test for me - its all I can do to get the help I know I need.

'Say a prayer for me' - "Plowed" by Sponge

Who is this doing the synthetic type of alpha beta psychedelic funkin?

#131918 - 05/03/05 04:42 AM Re: Abstaining
sophiesdad Offline

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida

There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

#131919 - 05/03/05 08:19 PM Re: Abstaining
ForeverFighting Offline

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1253
Loc: New Mexico, USA
This work is so hard. I feel for you, and I hope you succeed in beating the addictions. The pain is hard, but sharing it here with these fellow survivors makes it more bearable. The connection with people who understand has helped me with the porn, too. We need connections and love so badly. We certainly didn't get it before. Instead we got SA.

There's a poem that Bobby posted that I thought was good. We need to see the good inside ourselves so we can stop looking for it outside. Hang in there. Your brothers here are with you in this fight.

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, nor will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

#131920 - 05/04/05 06:39 PM Re: Abstaining
LostinPA Offline

Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Lancaster, PA
My prayers for what they are worth are said in your behalf. I care as do we all that you safely make your way.



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