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#131800 - 02/18/05 03:18 AM masturbation
russo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/05/04
Posts: 10
Loc: IN
Hi guys.
I wanted to share something that has been part of my shame. Sometimes when i masturbate i think about eating my sperm of fantasize about sucking my self. I know that or fantasies may be hinting to unresolved issues so i was wondering what this may be hinting to. I think it means that I am struggling with accepting my own manhood and when I want to look at porn of other guys doing it ( I am straight) that I want to be connected with other men who are struggling as well. I told a few people and the desires is less and less but it is still there. Any thoughts...

#131801 - 02/18/05 08:28 AM Re: masturbation
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
A few months ago, I had a similar question. I went to my "go to" guy on sexuality issues, a colleague who is a survivor himself and a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality.

Here is his answer (pardon the spelling/grammar problems):
Have we all forgotten that many males taste their own semen and th at this behavior is frequently observed within our society without pathology of a history of abuse. Certainly the erotic pleasures acquired from i njesting one's own semen may be an acquired, and perhaps more frequently obs erved among adolescent males who are bisexual and/or gay in their orientatio n. In itself the behavior represents nothing more than an acceptance o f one's own body, and masculinity.

Concern can be raised if the behavior is associated with a history of sexual abused that involved degrading acts of humiliation associa tioned with ejaculation and the injesting of sperm. Other concerns rela te to the dangers associated with developing a fettish for the taste of sper m and acts associated with ejaculation {i.e. cum baths, facials, etc). There is obviously increased risks associated with frequent unprotecte d exposure to the sperm of multiple partners.

As with all fettishes an individual needs to be advised of the dangers associated with their activities; however, clinicians must also be aware of their own bias and tendency to see pathology rather than pleasure in behavio rs that they may find personally distasteful. I would ask the you th to describe in great detail both his practices and fanctacies. Once information is gathered it is a good practice to support what is pleasureab le and safe, while providing the knowledge and practice skills need to preve nt disease.

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#131802 - 02/18/05 04:12 PM Re: masturbation
Morning Star Offline

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Ingesting cum is an act that replicates the vagina. During my acting out days, I had this fascination for behaving like a girl and acting like a vagina. I always wanted to feel what it felt like to have a vagina.
The result was mixed with excitement and disgust. And it ended there.

~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

#131803 - 02/21/05 06:27 PM Re: masturbation
PhillyPa Offline

Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 64
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
Hi Russo, I have a question for you. You mentioned you told others. How did they react?

Who is this doing the synthetic type of alpha beta psychedelic funkin?

#131804 - 02/22/05 01:05 AM Re: masturbation
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Russo - The answer Ken shared is what I use to answer your type of question! BTW - your question is not unique but a lot of guys I see ask it! I guess if that's all you fantasize about, you may have a problem!! (joke).


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#131805 - 02/22/05 03:39 AM Re: masturbation
Glen Offline

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 71
Loc: Wisconsin
Sperm to me represents bein a man. Sometimes I need
the sperm image in my head inorder for me to even feel like a man. For some reason after my abuser finished with me she would call me a girl and I began to think that I would never be a man. Even now I dont see myself as a man. I know Im male Im not confused like that its just I always think that Im still soft and not manly. Does that make sense?

Please tell me why..

#131806 - 02/23/05 02:48 AM Re: masturbation
russo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/05/04
Posts: 10
Loc: IN
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I do value them. I thought I was alone for so long and i carried that shame with me for so long. I told two friends-something I thought I would never do-it repulsed me and i thought it would repulse them as well or they would abuse me with it. they did neither. They gave me respect and grace and that I couldn't give myself.

It made me realize that I wanted healing so badly but I didn't want to let anyone in either. I was afraid of trusting them. healing only comes when we allow others in.

I never wanted to be a vagina. i wanted to be a man- i wanted to feel manly. I wanted to accept my masculinity. I lived in a family where it was not celebrated but rather in a quiet way, shamed upon.

I think I was trying to love myself and to feel normal.
I know now that i don't have to try- I do love myself-dark , scary parts and all.

I hope this helps. :p
I love this place.


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