Newest Members
Ransuko, Lovme4me, MRSAS, blueheart, aonmadera559
13554 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
di (71), Justin113 (35), Kurt (50), Mike Church (77), seeker2 (62), Steve P (64), vhd11 (52)
Who's Online
3 registered (iaccus, 2 invisible), 73 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,554 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,487 Topics
492,253 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#131758 - 01/16/05 08:29 AM Continued Dysfunction!
Glen Offline

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 71
Loc: Wisconsin
Does the SA affect you sexually as an adult?
I know Im not gay or bi but there is a problem my brothers. I can think about women all I want I even fantasize about holding a naked women in my arms and kissing and holding her but guess what? I have difficulty with erections? I have had this problem for the last 5 years. It started when I took PAXIL. I have been off of the medication for 6 months. Is it a medical problem or is it due to my SA from the hands of the evil bitch my older sister.
I resent that she has that much control over me. I hate it and I hate her for it and the hell that I have been stuck in for the past 13 years!

Please tell me why..

#131759 - 01/16/05 09:41 AM Re: Continued Dysfunction!
Aden Offline

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Here is the problem. I am a loving, caring person. I donít want to hurt anyone, especially those people closest to my heart.

The sexual abuse I suffered as a child was painful and degrading. Forced upon me thru violence and coercion.

While I will no longer accept physical or mental abuse, I cannot enjoy sex or preform to my own satisfaction if the act is initiated by me. It is a guilt thing. Sexually aggressive behavior reminds me of the things that were done to me when I had no control. And I will not commit those offenses against a loved one. I must be absolutely certain that my partner is not just willing, but wholly desirous.

The result is, that when sex is my idea it is damn near impossible for me to reach orgasm. If I am willingly seduced however, I do just fine.

My abuser liked to make me have an orgasm and then he would force me to do whatever he wanted, but if I could make him come first and quickly, there was sure to be less pain. I learned how to delay orgasm to avoid pain. As an adult, I cannot have an orgasm until my partner is satisfied and then I feel guilty for taking care of my own pleasure using their body.

Sex with random partners who initiate the act does not carry the same emotional baggage. If I donít care about the individual, and the sex was their idea, everything works just fine.

Itís kind of strange isnít it? I can screw a stranger but I canít make love with a friend. I guess that I prefer men because I know how to read the signs of willingness more clearly. And men tend to be more aggressive, allowing me the freedom to accept my own physical needs.

It comes down to this. Sex equals abuse. I cannot abuse someone I love.

Talk about sexual confusion!


#131760 - 01/16/05 11:02 PM Re: Continued Dysfunction!
PhillyPa Offline

Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 64
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
Glen, hello. You stated you had dysfunction sexually and then stated you were on Paxil. I was, once, on Paxil and it caused the same issue you mentioned in your post. Paxil has chemicals that affect the ability to ejaculate. It will even cause flaccidity (sorry to be so graphic).

A little more about my experience with Paxil:
I started to get the feeling that I was prescribed Paxil so I would stop masturbating - thinking this was the cause of the Social Anxiety. That is how potent it was against the libido. Well, after I couldnt afford to pay my therapist, I was taken off Paxil (too quickly) and developed these horrible symptoms: electric zap running up and down my arms, dizziness and lightheadedness - weird head sensations. I saw a doctor who couldnt find anything wrong. The symptoms eventually subsided but I thought I was getting like multiple sclerosis or something. The internet has tons of accounts of Paxil symptoms and withrawals. I think its a bad drug for me.

But, I still am an underperformer when it comes to sexual intercourse. Even though i'm not on any medication, I just cant do it.

Who is this doing the synthetic type of alpha beta psychedelic funkin?

#131761 - 01/17/05 09:56 PM Re: Continued Dysfunction!
Happy Birthday Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Glen did your therapist prescribe paxil. Maybe talk to the person who did give you the pre>


#131762 - 01/17/05 10:03 PM Re: Continued Dysfunction!
brokentoys Offline

Registered: 09/03/04
Posts: 149
Loc: So. California
I just wanted to jump in here. I too am now on Effexor as I had really bad effects from my Prozac (passing out due to low blood pressure when stand up!), and for the most part I like the Effexor. However, like most of these types of drugs it is not without it's sexual side effects for me as well. I can go all night with it. That's not as good as it may sound, it is very frustrating! I cannot acheive orgasm at all. Thankfully I see my Psychiatrist next week, so we WILL discuss this and find a fix. Most if not all of these types of drugs have possible sexual side effects, but the thing is that drugs should not be a long term cure for what is wrong with us. Drugs should help us so that we can get the help we need to get better and not need the drugs any more! At least that's my take on it. My drugs have done wonders for me, but I don't want to stay on them forever, I want to get better!

It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top.

Arnold Bennet

#131763 - 01/18/05 06:44 AM Re: Continued Dysfunction!
Rustam Offline

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 474
Loc: UK
From the other posts and my own experience of medication the Paxil is a real possibility. If you had the problem before you started on the Paxil then it could very well be a result of the abuse. I expect it could be a combination of both.

I trust that with work on this and being open about it, you will find a solution,


#131764 - 01/18/05 07:44 AM Re: Continued Dysfunction!
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I tried Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, Wellbutrin, and they all had the same sexual side effect with me: inability to reach orgasm. As someone else said, it sound great to be able to go for so long, but after about 45 minutes to an hour your frustration level has maxed out. I got off all of them, since I really wasn't depressed. My problem was a pituitary tumor (microadenoma) which was causing my pituitary to no secrete enought leutinizing hormone (LH) which is what tells your body to make testosterone. My testosterone levels were at the level of an 80 year old man, and I'm 44. So, am now on testosterone replacement therapy (Androgel) which made a world of difference. Mrs. EGL has told me that she will never allow me to be placed on another SSRI drug.


#131765 - 01/18/05 09:14 PM Re: Continued Dysfunction!
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
To answer your question, Glen, yes sexual abuse most definitely effects adult sexual life for many men.

You are definitely not alone in that area. The hows and whys and most importantly how to overcome those difficulties seem to me to have been best addressed with a sensitive therapist.

As for the drugs, I won't repeat what has been said about them.

But I always am moved to remind others and myself that the Depression the drugs are meant to treat, itself has severe deleterious effects on sex drive, erection, orgasm and many others facets of male sexual behavior.

And this I know from my own experience. Once the depression improved, my sexual life improved, in spite of the fact that I continue to take the meds (Effexor, Zoloft, Gabitril).

I can tell when my depression is improved because I wake up in the morning with an erection. Nice surprise after many months of complete lack of sexual response!

Hope this helps.

"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.