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#131643 - 10/15/04 02:29 AM Being compulsive . . . (-Pos Triggers-)
Liam Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/03/03
Posts: 42
Loc: Currently South Africa
I want to know if there are any one out there who has good advice on dealing with compulsive masturbation. I do not even know why i do it but it has been a tremendous struggle that plagues my life. I also have struggles with bi-sexual feelings but are currnetly involved with a girl. I am not sure what i am anymore - during the day i love a women but at night i phantasize about being with a man getting off doing things that i do not want to write out on any mail. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

#131644 - 10/15/04 03:41 AM Re: Being compulsive . . . (-Pos Triggers-)
Dan88 Offline

Registered: 08/07/02
Posts: 247
Loc: DC
I can tell you that I'm a 12-stepper and I follow a program for sex addicts that's similar to those for drug addicts or alcoholics. I dealt with compulsive masturbation and then graduated to having affairs, which finally lead me to look for answers.

Two resources I'd suggest are reading Patrick Carnes' book Out of the Shadows, which you can find under the bookstore link here. And here's a site that has information on it about the 12-step approach to the problem.

web page

I also want to stress that I know many people don't like 12-step programs, and I respect their point of view. I'm not here to try to push anyone in any direction. Just telling you what has worked for me. If it's not for you, please disregard what I'm saying.

Take care.

#131645 - 10/18/04 11:25 PM Re: Being compulsive . . . (-Pos Triggers-)
iansMe Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/18/04
Posts: 6
Loc: NC
I've struggled with masturbation and sex all my life, too. I guess you could do the 12 step program like another member posted. What helped me was this: I had long issues with depression and anxiety after being molested, and I got to a point in my life in which I could no longer help myself. I went to a physician who prescribed a drug that helped with my depression and anxiety but also helped with my masturbation obsession. Don't get me wrong - I still masturbate but not at the frequency I onced did.

#131646 - 10/19/04 12:59 AM Re: Being compulsive . . . (-Pos Triggers-)
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Laim I presume you are here because you are a survivor just like us. I too have suffered from compulsive masturbation and fantasies. Looking back at it I think that it was my way to abuse (literally) myself for being aroused by SA and a re-enactment of that abuse. The fantasy and then the orgasm. The problem, I think, is rooted in the betrayal by our own bodies. If it felt good we must have wanted it. Well that is pure bullshit. I see that now. Masturbation is a very common thing with men and women. And they all have fantasies. Our problem is that our fantasies revolve around our sexual abuse.

What I do now is get up and do something else. Generally something that I enjoy. Exercise is a prime one.

Liam be gentle with yourself ok.




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