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#131452 - 08/13/04 04:46 PM Bisexual Category
JamesMichael Offline

Registered: 07/24/02
Posts: 134
We have a Male Survivor category and a Gay Survivor category, among others. I'd like to see a forum specifically for survivors who identify as bisexual. I know the list of labels can be endless, but many of us are married men who struggle with sexual issues that go beyond acting out behaviors and that get into the whole notion of how to "be married" and get needs for legitimate male intimacy met in appropriate ways. Our fragmented sexualities are all over the place, and they need to be made whole. We need support to move from one fragment to the other. McGreevey's resignation brings home the experience of many men who may not identify as gay (as McGreevey does) but as bi, and who choose to remain with their wives because they love them and their children and who don't want to chuck the whole lot because they like guys too.

#131453 - 08/13/04 05:01 PM Re: Bisexual Category
David1010 Offline

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 46
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
You make a great point. The same goes for some of us in gay relationships that sometimes mess around with women.

#131454 - 08/13/04 06:05 PM Re: Bisexual Category
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
My brothers I think the important thing is that we are all, each and everyone of us, survivors. and we come from the whole spectrum of preferences. I honestly do not know what I am. I love my wife and I am faithful to her now. For years I acted out with men. When I was a street hustler it was with men. I know that when I wife came into my life I reached out and she was there. To be honest I do not know what would have happened if the person was called Nicholas and not Nicole.

I do understand the dilemma you are in and maybe a forum could be created for bisexual survivors.

Actually I think it is a good idea.



#131455 - 08/13/04 09:12 PM Re: Bisexual Category
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
What of my therapist, who thinks that we are oriented in one direction, and feeling pulled or drawn to the other or same sex, is related to the confusion from abuse. He says that working through the abuse leads us more firmly in the direction of where we are oriented.
I know that my experience with my family and my eigth grade teacher, left me with a lot of images in my mind and questions about my sexuality.
Great thread. I know that if we have it here or in a special catagory on the site, it should prove to be a stimulating discussion.

Peace out, as my nephew used to say,

The Other David

"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

#131456 - 08/13/04 10:12 PM Re: Bisexual Category
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I remember sometime after the event of my older brother calling me a queer, maybe it was the traits I shown, I remember him calling me a freak, now that really did make me ANGRY

Funny thing though, he was so protective, and I mean that, he still is, one day he came to me and begged to be friends again, and I told him "You are not my brother"

No, I didn't, I screamed that to him, so that he knew where I was coming from, when you look for support, it is no-good being a protective brother, then branding me a freak.

I don't want to be the person left by this shit, but I have to and guess what, "you don't have the capacity to understand that".

My family is broken with feud, and I guess I am the only one who can put the pieces together, but then again, who else?

Guilt springs to mind


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#131457 - 08/14/04 05:29 AM Re: Bisexual Category
fusionoflove Offline

Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 112
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
I don't know of anyone or have never met anyone who identified themselves as bi. Although, if you play the play out the odds of possiblities there are going to be people on this planet who identify themselves as bisexual.

Unfortunately, I do not know what it's like to be bisexual or homosexual. I will say that any forum that can help survivors with specific issues such as yours is probably a beneficial thing to everyone. I imagine the gay forum helps others to connect on a different level, a bisexual one can help as well.

Ivanhoe mentioned that his therapist believes that people are orientated to one sex or the other and that confusion is the result of sexual abuse. Basically, what the therapist seems to implying is that no one is bisexual. Who knows if that it is true or not? I don't believe it is. I just thank God, I wasn't born with such a unique sexuality. You're a special person born with a gift different than others. I'm glad that you're not ashamed of it and that you can talk about it freely with us here.

I will say that confusion over sexuality has to be one of the biggest issues of survivors whether they are gay, bi, or straight. I for one can fully relate to this confusion. I was raped as an adult, not as a child. I've never had, before the rape, any desire or inclination to the same sex. I think I would be the first one to know. After the rape though everything became muddled. I think it's due to the loss of one's identity. Since the crime was committed in a sexual manner, sexual identity tends to be the biggest problem in adult male rape victims.

Take it easy man,

It's hard and I've worked through a lot of issues. Now, it's not thought I don't feel fully hetereosexual, but I dont' feel rounded as a person. I learning more and more about myself everyday. Thank sobriety, friends and counseling for that.

#131458 - 08/14/04 06:32 AM Re: Bisexual Category
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Indeed there is a significant gender identity struggle that can result from childhood sexual abuse. I have many friends that identify as gay; I have many friends that identify as or struggle with bisexuality and of course I know many heterosexuals. I am friends with some founders and proponents of Reparative Therapy (i.e. Elizabeth Moberley, Joe Nicolosi and others) and know it works for some. I have helped other guys realize they are gay and accept their homosexuality. I have struggled at times with bisexual issues myself. Thus, I have some very strong opinions and conclusions in the area of married biseual males.

Yes, a forum to discuss this specific issue would be a great idea. There are lots and lots of men struggling with being married/bisexual. More than any one could imagine. A forum would definitely serve a need.


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#131459 - 08/14/04 06:46 AM Re: Bisexual Category
Malidin41 Offline

Registered: 07/01/04
Posts: 140
Loc: Utah
This to me is a great idea. I have been struggling with my sexuality for quite some time and maybe if I could talk with others that have decided what there sexuality is maybe then I could start to figure out what mine is as well. Thanks for sharing this idea I hope they decide to add this to the board.

Mother of the kingdom of silence I have obeyed you long enough!!!

#131460 - 08/14/04 10:14 AM Re: Bisexual Category
Aden Offline

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Maybe I just don't get it. I thought that we were all Bi by nature. The confusion is strictly social. But it is an issue that we probably could get some good healing from talking about.

There is no good reason for us to be confused or catagorized. It is just something that happens.

In the long run, You is what you is.


#131461 - 08/15/04 02:09 AM Re: Bisexual Category
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
There seems to be a fair amount of discussion on this topic. Do people think that there should be a seperate forum on bisexuality or confused sexual orientation issues aside from the Gay Survivors topic?


Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

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