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#129532 - 11/02/04 10:12 PM Re: Where'd they go wrong?
Pollyanna Offline

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 211
Loc: Missouri
Y'know thinking about this, I've known of several abusers, and none of them...NONE of them...have ever been "sorry" or even acknowledged that they have caused any harm. It's been more like an "oh well" attitude, one of some kind of warped justification, or just plain "evil". The ones who don't get caught seem to get worse as time goes on, not better.

I knew one mother, who upon discovering her daughter had been abused, stuck up for the abuser saying "She's young..she'll forget about it." What is wrong with this picture? Luckily, the authorities didn't see it that way.

Feel sorry for them? Nope. Not the ones I have known about. Nobody forced them. They had a choice. I agree with Mikey and Mike NY. It's just not even remotely acceptable in any way shape or form, and doesn't deserve special anything. What DO we do with a rabid animal? Get it out of circulation, and remember how dangerous it is...feeling sorry for it is clearly, definitely fatal.

A tidbit of wisdom from my mother: "Your rights end where someone else's begin". When someone violates the rights of another, they forfeit their own.


"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

Anne Lamott

#129533 - 11/03/04 12:15 AM Re: Where'd they go wrong?
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA

I think it helps to make a distinction between having compassion and forgiveness, and wanting to understand.

In my opinion-- to label a perp a "monster" and close the book on them, keeps us from doing either of those-- understanding, or having compassion.

You can ask why and want to know why without giving up any of the hate and fear, but it does require giving up some of the "distance" between us and them-- seeing them as more than monsters, as more than their deed, as people with histories and complicated drives. Maybe some people don't want to do that because it looks too much like compassion and forgiveness.

For me it IS important to know why some do what they do, for the very reason that I don't want to be like them. I want to have those "whys" because I want to know the difference between Us and Them. Even, maybe especially, if it is not that big of a difference.

#129534 - 11/03/04 05:04 AM Re: Where'd they go wrong?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I've got one of those old fasioned school photographs, the sort with the whole 150 kids lined up with the small ones sat on the ground at thwe front and the big ones balancing on chairs at the back. The staff are sat in the middle looking suitably 'stern'.

I'm on the second row at the one end, aged 12.
Standing right behind me is No1 abuser, No2 is three people to my right, and the teacher who abused me is sat alongside the headmaster who didn't believe me.

If I showed you the picture, you would never pick any of them out.
Scary thought......


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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