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#128708 - 10/05/06 10:40 PM am I the only one?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
you know when you feel insecure -

and you kind of speak up about it

and someone says -

everyone feels insecure -

why - or am i the only one that kind of bums out sometimes

cause it doesn't make it feel entirely better to be me -and insecure - and hear this

it kind of just let's me know it's common to feel like s---

and i just kind of sit there - and like nothing changes altogether

m?

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#128709 - 10/05/06 10:42 PM Re: am I the only one?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
god that is so true for me - any time -

i felt insecure - and kind of worried -

and someone said - oh it's ok - everyone feels that way -

i would look at them and think -

why don't i feel better ??

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#128710 - 10/05/06 10:42 PM Re: am I the only one?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
is that strange?

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#128711 - 10/05/06 10:54 PM Re: am I the only one?
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Mark,

No, it's not strange. Why would it make you feel better to know that someone else doesn't feel good? Your a good, caring person, so naturally, that knowledge wouldn't make you feel any better.

Yes, everyone feels insecure sometimes, but for the person feeling it at the moment the right thing to do would be to see if you can find out why; to be a friend with a shoulder until the feeling passes. Being told that you're a part of a group of insecure people doesn't help one bit.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#128712 - 10/05/06 11:56 PM Re: am I the only one?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
that's so useful Trish,

thanks, I realy appreciate that.

Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#128713 - 10/06/06 12:31 AM Re: am I the only one?
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Mark,

I've always been on the quiet side, insecure in a lot of ways, and I think mostly because I thought I was the *only one* who ever felt inferior or had any problems at all. The truth is, practically everyone has *something* they're dealing with, it just doesn't always show. With people like us, I feel it is just more obvious to others because we are shy or whatever. So maybe we feel more vulnerable because of that. But it helps me sometimes to remember that lots of people have *stuff* they're dealing w/ even if you can't tell.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#128714 - 10/06/06 02:55 AM Re: am I the only one?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

I so understand what Trish is saying, and sure, to feel insecure and just be told "Welcome to the club" isn't much help.

On the other hand, I think it IS useful to know we aren't alone in how we feel about something. I remember feeling like such a wacko when I first came here, and I was thunderstruck and tremendously relieved to see how many guys had feelings exactly like mine. That is, it helped me to know I wasn't alone. It gave me hope.

Why was that? I guess one reason is simply that "Misery loves company". It hurts so much more if we feel not only pain, but also isolation in our pain.

But I think the real reason is that when we see that others feel as we do, that invites us to ask why. That in turn opens the door to understanding that we feel the way we do for specific reasons that can be addressed; we begin to appreciate that we aren't lost in our bad feelings or doomed to them forever. That is, we need to see a basis for hope.

I think both you and Trish are right to say that just knowing "Everyone feels that way" isn't any help. That's just another way of saying "It's no biggie. Get over it". There needs to be some connection to hope: a sense of outreach or recognition that a solution is possible.

We need something to believe in, beginning with ourselves.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#128715 - 10/06/06 05:38 AM Re: am I the only one?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
larry - honestly i mean no disrespect

i am so emotional anyway -

you know this

and i just had a big big meal with three

'drinks' so - i am like coourageous - and bloated

or bloated and..

anyway -

i get stuck - in fear - and unquestioning -

and sometimes- i throw myself out there - just do get on - past all the fear -

like a cliffdiver!! wtf!!!

insecurity - yeah so be it! -

but - whatever it breaks the ice - and usually acts like - ok so now you have farted in front of me - you're like family -

but - anyway -

the guidance to contemplate why is useful -

the space to be social farty flawed -

much more fun -

thanks larry

mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#128716 - 10/06/06 05:39 AM Re: am I the only one?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
this all helped me -thanks

i am happy

(((hugs)))

mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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