so, I go to therapy once a week when I can ( work is veary bussy right now) and the focus Is on my past abuse. But right now I cant/dont want to be dealing with my emotions right now. Its starting to affect my work. I should be working right now but when I woke up this morning I was scared of something. Its weird. Iv been having flash backs at work. which is totaly un exeptibal I CAN NOT HAVE FALSHBACKS AT WORK! Thismornig all that I felt I could do was curel up under my covers and cry. Before I was in tharapy I had no emotions. I was a cold and heartless person. I didnt cry, worry think about what happend. I did have falsh backs but then my soultion would be smoke some pot and all would be better. later I relized that I could not do that for the rest of my life so I went to a duel dignosis center that specilzed in PTST/ Adiction. Ill get into my experince there another post. long story short Im still new in my recovory ( neverminde that Iv been in and out of theropy for the better part of 15yrears)
At this point Im realy starting to wonder if Im ready for this. I... I... I... I just want to have a normal life free from flash backs weird emotinos and night terrors. Im starting to wonder iv Im ready for this. Its affecting my job sooo much Im scared of what my boss will say. At this point Im ranting but feadback would be veary welcome. Thankyou for your time
"same old repitition fealing up and down agen, sorrow is a highway that never seams to end"
- Jeff Austen, Younder Mountain String band