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#125699 - 12/05/03 03:33 AM Brian's rules for Enlightenment.
brian-z Offline

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
Brian's rules for enlightenment

1. Always tip your waitress at least 10% but never less then $1.25 per person.

2. Always put enough money in a parking meter to give yourself at least 20 minutes leeway.

3. Never contradict someone you really don't like. Imagine how you would feel if they prove you wrong.

4. Never make fun of someone else's religion. You would not like to tell a Jewish joke, then get hit by a bus only to arrive at the pearly gates to see ST. Peter wearing a Yamulkah..

5. If something needs to be done, do it. The dishwasher isn't going to unload it self.

6. If you don't want to do something just say so. Procrastination only breeds contempt.

7. If you are angry with someone, tell him or her.

8. If you were angry with some one, but aren't angry anymore, tell him or her.

9. Leave Justus to the jury, and vengeance to the Divine

10. Vote. Then you have bitching rights.

11. If someone wants to take you on in a fair fight, try talking it out first.

12. If you fight someone and they fight dirty. Fight dirtier.

13. If a homeless person asks you for spare change, and you have some spare change, give it to him or her.

14. Don't drink and drive.

15. Be kind to your pets.

16. Be kind to your kids.

17. Be kind to your husband or wife.

18. Be kind to your friends

19. Be kind to your neighbors.

20. Be kind to the people you work with.

21. Be kind to strangers.

22. Don't be kind to your enemies, if you both want to make peace that's good. But otherwise stay away from them.

23. You can't buy your way into heaven.

24. You can buy your way into hell.

25. Blazing Saddles was the funniest movie ever made.

26. Don't eat crackers in bed.

27. Don't smoke in the computer room.

28. Don't eat junk food more then twice a week.

29. If someone asks you for forgiveness and you can find it in your hart to do so, then do so.

30. If you have a long drive, stop every few hours and walk around for a bit.

31. Don't be bullied out of your vises, every thing causes cancer if you do enough of it.

32. Try and give up your vises especially if it will make the people you love happy.

33. Don't watch too much TV.

34. Don't spend too much time on the Internet.

35. Keep your court dates.

36. Call your mother.

37. Do something nice for someone but don't tell anyone.

38. Take the last piece, but don't tell your mother.

39. Be on time.

40. Keep your word.

41. If you are attracted to the same sex, you are gay.

42. If you are attracted to the opposite sex, you are not gay.

43. Measure twice, cut once.

44. Be patient with the elderly.

45. Practice putting your snow chains on before the weather gets bad.

46. Practice changing a tire before a road trip.

47. Change the oil in your car every 3000 miles.

48. Refill your windshield wiper fluid before starting a road trip.

49. Ask for directions

50. Never call before 9am or after 9pm.

51. If you barow something, give it back.

52. If you lend something, don't ask for it back.

53. Don't point out anyone's faults unless you really care about them.

54. Walk the dog.

55. Clean the litter box.

56. Feed the fish.

57. If you watch infomercials, give your credit cards to someone you trust for safekeeping.

58. If it works, don't fix it.

59. Remember birthdays and anniversaries

60. Don't dwell on the past.

#125700 - 12/05/03 02:21 PM Re: Brian's rules for Enlightenment.
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Thanks, Brian.

"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

#125701 - 12/05/03 03:20 PM Re: Brian's rules for Enlightenment.
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Brian thank you very much. Another thing for my bulletin board.



#125702 - 12/05/03 06:48 PM Re: Brian's rules for Enlightenment.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Stick to those and we won't go far wrong.

Dave \:D

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#125703 - 12/09/03 12:28 AM Re: Brian's rules for Enlightenment.
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts

We've had our disagreements, and again, I have one with your list.

Everything else I agree with or am trying to change my viewpoint on, but I can't jibe with one of your rules and I have to say you're wrong on it.

"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" was the funniest movie ever made.

You know it.

I know it.

Get used to it!


Love ya, bro!


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#125704 - 12/09/03 10:47 AM Re: Brian's rules for Enlightenment.
brian-z Offline

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
well, yes I do admit the knights of Ni are very funny, but Blazing Saddles is pound for pound the funniest ever, 2nd Young Frankenstein (Blücher) , 3rd any Python movie. But hey 3rd place isn't bad.


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