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#1250 - 01/13/04 04:36 AM Hello....
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 204
Loc: New Jersey
I was just made aware of this site by my counselor today. She felt I was ready for somethinng like this, and after reading some of the enteries posted, I'd have to agree. I'm not alone, and it hits me hard realizing there are so many others, but it feels good knowing that there are many talking about their pain. I think I'm ready to start talking to a larger crowd. I've told some friends, and a few of my family members including my mom.....my father died in 1989, and I don't think it would have done any good telling him. The abuse was initiated by a neighbor/so called friend. The abuse also involved my younger brother. We've talked briefly a few times about what happened....I said it's messed me up and he initially just wrote it off as "experimentation" that's normal. I disagreed and we've come to a mutual agreement that "it" messed us up.
It hit me hard when I read an account under the, "survivors/adult survivors" button at the header of this website. The account is by Fr. Robert D. Wheelocks and he mentions about being abused in the Boy Scouts. This is where my abuse started I believe, as my neighbor recruited me and my brother for the local Troop.
I have many of the symptoms described by others on this site....I hide in my apartment, I'm afraid of relationships, i don't trust males and figures of authority, the list goes on. My abuse happened at about 10yrs old. I have memories of the events, and at 36 now, I still feel like I'm a child inside, waiting for someone to rescue me, to teach me to be a warrior (dad,) and to make all the pain go away. I'm realizing that this will never happen.....slowly. I've been in therapy for about 16 yrs. now.
I knew from an early age (15 or so) that I would have to fight for as long as possible to overcome this pain. I wish to have died by my own hand, and I think about this on occasion still, but i can't, since an older brother took his own life, before I could get the courage to do it myself. After witnessing the pain that's involved with losing a sibling like that, I knew I could never put my family (again) and friends through something so very painful.
Well, everyday and every moment is a struggle at times as I'm sure you all can attest. I'm trying to succeed and maybe talking on this forum will help.

C

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12, '14
Oprah 200, and "Silence Buster" Contibuter
NYC Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12

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#1251 - 01/13/04 05:16 AM Re: Hello....
scarman Offline
Member

Registered: 01/09/04
Posts: 74
Loc: London On Canada
G5, I'm really new here also. I have to tell you, there has been nothing but good coming from the MS site. I find that so many men have or are currently feeling alot of the same things I am. This is sad....but at the same time, I get the sense that we can help one another through the hard times. We all have low periods when we need help. I've noticed that if needed, there is always someone here to give some sound advice. Take some pride in the fact that you've gone so far as to sign up and get involved with ths discussion group. I know it has helped me alot.

_________________________
scarman stands for the tatoos I have, and also the emotional scars I've accumulated from my past.

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#1252 - 01/13/04 03:37 PM Re: Hello....
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
G5
Welcome, and thank your therapist for being so enlightened.

MS is a good place for us Survivors to come, the support and friendship here are as good as it gets.

I've no doubt that a lot of what you've already seen here has registerd very high on the "Oh s**t, that's just like me!" scale, which makes us feel better in a very odd way, there's no way we'd wish the crap we've gone through on anyone else - but, it's so reassuring to know we're not alone.

So come often, ask what you like, there's always someone with a point of view. We might not have answers, but we've got opinions ;\)

If you need any help, please don't hesitate to ask, the guys and the Moderators here are always willing to help.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#1253 - 01/13/04 04:27 PM Re: Hello....
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
Iím sorry you need a place like this. I was abused by a teenager, and it has affected my whole life. I think too often we try to blow things off as unimportant instead of dealing with them. I know I did, and wanted you to know you arenít alone. Welcome, and I hope this site helps you as much as it has me.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#1254 - 01/13/04 04:41 PM Re: Hello....
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
For years, I thought of suicide almost every day. I knew that this was a result of the depression I experienced. I experienced despair, a lack of hope about the future, and the belief that I was a bad person and did not deserve to live.

I did not know until recently that those feelings were/are the result of the sexual, physical and emotional abuse I experienced as a child.

Some days it seems like I am making little progress but then I look back and see that I have come a long way already after several years of work with therapists.

I am much more conciously aware now of where the the unpleasant things I feel come from. This helps me feel more in charge of my life. I no longer think of suicide every day. Those thoughts seem to come less and less frequently. I now often feel hopeful about the future.

Reading on this site what others have experienced has helped me a lot. I no longer feel alone and isolated, feelings that led to a lot of my feelings of despair, hopelessness and loneliness. The support that guys here have given one another has dramatically helped my progress in therapy.

I am glad you are here. I think you will find that being here helps you too.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#1255 - 01/13/04 04:56 PM Re: Hello....
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Hello, and welcome here. I am very sorry that you have reason to be here, but I am glad that you did find this site. I know that it has been something greatly helpful to me. I hope that you find it to be the same. I wish you luck.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#1256 - 01/13/04 10:18 PM Re: Hello....
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
G5 let ne add my welcome. It is a revelation to know you are not alone isnt it. It happens, I think, to 1 in 6 males. That is a pretty big number in my books.
We have all felt or feel like you do now. The thing is you have already started well down the road with Therapy and disclosure.

And it was not just experimenting. It was the most horrible thing that ever happened to you and that is a fact. All at once you were smothered in the stench of SA. A stench that nobody should have to endure. The fact that you have a supportive and loving family is good.


And I am glad that thoughts of suicide are out of your head. As I have said so many times that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

So post, listen, learn and walk with us on the healing road. It will not always be easy but it is the only road believe me. I endured SA at 16 and hid it for 40 years. I am 63 now and can say that the last quarter will be my best. A

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#1257 - 01/14/04 01:28 AM Re: Hello....
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
G5 - I'm glad that you've managed to find this site and am sure you will find lots of support here. Do you realise, it's not even a day since you've posted on this site, and 7 people have welcomed you already.

I'm also fairly new here and I've learned a lot from the postings on the site and from the very good advice that I have been given here.

I was 12 when I was abused and first mentioned it to 3 friends 32 years later (whilst drunk). It took me 34 years (46) to start dealing with it - the only reason I started to deal with it was because I started to think I was going mad (just before Christmas).

I am now getting therapy (organised by my Boss at work - how good is that) which seems to be working. This site though is brilliant - it (the people here) has given me so much strength to face up to what happened to me.

Hope you find strength here too....Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#1258 - 01/14/04 02:59 AM Re: Hello....
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 204
Loc: New Jersey
Thank you all for welcoming me. It's sinking in that I'm not alone, and seeing all the responses and other accounts has made me feel, dare I say it, at ease about this topic for the first time ever in my life. The idea of talking about this in depth with anyone else besides my wonderful couselor was very scary a few years ago...even a few months ago. She mentioned the idea of a group therapy kinda thing....I had NO intention of meeting others face to face to talk aloud...there is NO way I could have trusted anyone with my story....and any males. The idea of talking on this site immediately felt comfortable, right from the moment it was brought up. I feel I'm one of the luckiest "patients" ever to have the wonderful counselor that I have. It's so important to have someone you feel comfortable with....someone you can trust. This takes time and well, just time.....and trust in yourself. I finally feel I can trust my feelings now. Each day is an experiment in a way.....I try to go out on a limb and trust my instincs, and understand that things aren't always black and white, on or off, good or bad, yes or no, angry or not angry. The gradations I'm finding are what life is all about....all the little stuff I've never let myself be a part of because He is always ready to jump and take advantage of me again. No one can see by looking at me that I was tainted, and that if I let you in, that I could infect you with this ugly disease I have......being a victim. He is not around the corner waiting. I can relax a little knowing that I can come here and feel safe. Thanks to all for this wonderful home. Thanks for your shoulders. I plan to be here awhile.
And thanks to my cat Odie. Without him, life as I know it, would be very lonely. Pets truly are therapy!

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12, '14
Oprah 200, and "Silence Buster" Contibuter
NYC Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12

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#1259 - 01/14/04 03:35 AM Re: Hello....
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1984
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Welcome G5,

I want to add my welcome also, Welcome to MS.

I accidently or intentionally let out their secret which I had held so tightly for 26 years, almost a year and a half ago. I went to the pdoc for an entirely different reason, and quickly realised what my problem really was, I didn't need to be told. This site I found on my own, kudos to your T for letting you know about it.

As you already noticed, you are not alone. There are way too many of us. One is too many.

It is messed up. It does affect us. It isn't the experimentation of young boys, when an adult uses a child. It is power over another person, a child at that. It isn't something we just forget about and live life like it never happened. It is something that we need to learn to accept that it happened to us, to learn how it affects us, and learn to live with. It is more than the sugar-coated word that is used to describe it, it is an assualt in a sexual way. It is rape.

I'm am both sorry and glad that you know of the pain, sorrow, and guilt that suicide brings to the ones around you. Sorry that you had to learn it by living it. Glad that you are still here and amongst us.

Take care of yourself. Sit back and read some posts, learn about yourself through the words of others. Share your thoughts, your pains, your anger, and whatever else you need to. Whenever you are ready to talk, we are here to listen. Whenever you need to ask a question, we are here to provide some insight, we are not all professionals, but we unfortunately have some first hand experience.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#1260 - 01/14/04 03:57 AM Re: Hello....
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Welcome GS,

One thing that I often think about when someone is tempted to say that it was just "fooling" around or experiementation is that we would most likely go nuts if someone did to a boy we love the things that were done to you and your brother.

The kinds of effects you are having do not come from "fooling " around. You are a victim of a trauma. There will be difficult days in dealing with it--but we do get better and even the journey to getting better is worthwhile.

Peace to you.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#1261 - 01/14/04 04:29 AM Re: Hello....
Kurt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/29/03
Posts: 42
Loc: New England
G5

Welcome -- I'm both sorry we need it, and glad that you are here! I find that it is a healing place, this site. Here's hoping that it will be for you, as well.

Kurt

_________________________
Kurt

================
"Looking good, Billy Ray!"
"Feeling good, Lewis!"

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