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#124270 - 08/03/05 04:03 AM Happiness for support
ak Offline

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
This is from an email I send to some people tonight, of what happen for me today. Even though it is of surviving issues, I don't know, it did not seem right for the Male survivor forum. So I put it here. I do not mean it to be upsetting to anyone who do not have such support I do, I know that I am most lucky for it. It just make me so happy, and I wanted to share here. Maybe it can be, someone else can share more with someone they are close with, and get same kind of support.


I feel I must tell people this, because it like touch me so much, and also make me feel very greatful for the life I have, the family I have. First I must explain.

Last week, I write a letter to my father. My parents know that I been abused, by sport coach, when I was training away from home. But they did not know so much of it, details, and of other men also. Because the court thing that will happen in few more weeks, I do not know that I will have to speak to that or not, or how much public it will be, and I did not want that they will know more of me from public, not from me myself. So I write letter to my father, it is not details of things, but just that it was not only the coach, that he give me out to these other men, and that one of them is this man who is been charged and will be in court in September. I tell him my fears of speaking, that yes, I fear it for me but also for my family, I fear what people will think on me, and that because so much of my fears, that V say he will speak instead, as he do not worry what his family will think. That I know he also have fears, and that I am greatful I have him as friend, and that I feel lucky I have friends and family both who protect me so much.

I talk with him on phone today, he call to me, which is almost never. But I call him back, because is less cost for me to call then him to call. And first, he is just talking of things, of work, of family, but I know it is of the letter because never he just calls me to talk those things unless is weekend. Not on a Tuesday.

And finally, he talk to me some of it, he is telling me he is so sorry this happen, he did not know how much it is, how bad it is, and that no, he do not need more information of it from me of anything I do not want to tell, that he trust me and have faith of me, and believes me. And that no, it is not my fault, none of what happen with none of these men, is my fault. And he is so sorry to not know something before, to not protect me, and to not be someone I could tell this to before. And I keep try to tell him it is nothing him to be sorry of, it is not his fault neither, but only fault of those who do these actions. I know still he was feeling guilty that I am away of home so young, and that I did not have family with me, but it is not that was a choice. My family always do what is best for each other, and even with what happen, in the abuse, why I was there and away from family, I do think it was best for me, and it help me now to help them also. We talk on it some time, and he ask me how much it is my permission to tell my mom, how much of it. And I tell him that it is all right to me, to tell her anything, I wanted to tell him first so he can help decide what is best. So he is going to talk some with my mom before this court thing happen.

And while we were talking, he ask me if V is here, if he can talk with him. And I tell him no, V is doing a class right now, so was not here. And he tell me, tell him that in September, a father will be there for him. And first, I am not sure I hear right, or of what he mean, and I tell him no, please do not talk with V's father, they do not get along. He tell me Andrei, I did not say 'his' father. I say 'a' father. This should not have to happen that he do not have family to support him. He does this to protect you. I will be there for him.

That surprise me so much, but it didn't also? It go to my heart so much, that my father is such a man. I think always I know that. But to have it shown again, sometime do you not just wonder at someone? That you know, and know good, but then, they just surprise you all again? I was surprised, but in a very good way, and am very happy right now.

Thank you, all who show me such friendship and strength and kindness.


#124271 - 08/03/05 06:39 AM Re: Happiness for support
Don-NY Offline

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
Dear Andrei,

Thank for telling this. I share your joy and pride.

It is a great comfort to know that there are Men like your father in this world. He gives us a living example of true support, honor, and courage.


If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

#124272 - 08/03/05 08:50 AM Re: Happiness for support
sabooka Offline

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 209
Loc: I would like to know also

Your father is a great man. You are a great man. The expression goes: the apple did not fall far from the tree.

Thank you for sharing.


My happiness is not dependant on other people's misery.

#124273 - 08/03/05 10:35 PM Re: Happiness for support
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Andrei I agree with Sabooka and Don. Your father is a truly remarkable man. It is no wonder that he fathered and raised a remarkable man in yourself.

To know you have the love and support of a great family is something to be cherished and I know that VN will know now that he does have a real father.



#124274 - 08/04/05 01:08 AM Re: Happiness for support
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts

Thank your father for me. What he's done for you is a great thing and I'm very grateful to him for it. I wish I had that kind of father when it happened.

V should be very happy knowing he's got yet another great person in his corner.



There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#124275 - 08/04/05 10:55 AM Re: Happiness for support
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Amazing. Your father is the definitiion of what a good man is. Peace, Andrew

there is no courage without anxiety

#124276 - 08/05/05 06:18 AM Re: Happiness for support
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I am so happy for you! Your dad is one of the great ones, that's for sure.

I am also happy to see the reaction of so many others to your wonderful story. I too have a very supportive father, though mine is older and I have not told him yet what happened to me. Sometimes I do feel awkward mentioning him here, as I know others have suffered terribly at the hands of their fathers.

But perhaps while we condemn the abusive fathers and support their victims, we should also celebrate the good fathers for the way in which they have stood by their sons and given them the love and support they needed through the worst possible times.

Take care,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#124277 - 08/05/05 11:59 PM Re: Happiness for support
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Andrei, I will be thinking good things for you and V on this day, and it will soon be over.

It is also great to know that you have a great dad, but then again, he cannot be so much difference from yourself,



Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!


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