Hi - I read your post and am one that is glad u posted here so I could respond to you. First I will pray like crazy that this new procedure gets approved for you. I have chronic pain, but not as severe as your back problems. It is for other reasons.
1) I wanted to share that I too can identify with "white coat syndrome". I used to work in the med field for just over 10 yrs. Now I cant stand even the thot of having yet another Dr Appt without having some stupid anxiety attack. Let alone even see a damn needle.
2) You raised an interesting point of having flashbacks & inability to sleep due to the pain. One thing that was shared with me by my T is that each & every time I had a procedure my "body" remembered the pain associated with the Abuse. Of course I tried Yoga & Meditation. It does / did work to some degree. BUT, I had to catch the pain level BEFORE it hit the 7 button usually.(& u know how useless that often can be) After that if I had a full blown Sciatica & or Migraine it was only meds such as the Fentynal & etc. that would "mask" the pain, or make it some what tolerable.
I did some work with my T who did help me "prepare" for the flashbacks etc AFTER the procedues as that is when they were out of control for me. My T did help me talk with my "other docs" to alert them to let them know I am a survivor. The most dangerous part he (T) said for me was the potential of having another heart attack or physically injuring myself during a Flashback / Nightmare.
I dont know if you have a partner, but perhaps talking with your partner if they are made aware of what happens with the emotional whiplash that comes from the health trauma perhaps they could work to "ground you some" during the flashback?
I think perhaps for you (this is true for me) when the pain hits I cannot always express exactly WHAT I need. We worked out a checklist, so that Hubby can go thru it until we find something that eases the pain & flashbacks. I was only thankful that I rarely remembered the exact memories of the flashback, but my body FELT the side effects of the stress it went thru.
I geuss I wanted to make sure to suggest to you that if you are seeing a Therapist along the way, your T could be a HUGE advocate while working with your Insur. Co. Of course it took signing releases after releases and I am not sure if you have shared your history with anyone, but for me because I managed to share with at least my T he was able to put my "Drs" in communication better to deal with the Insur B.S. -- Of course these are just suggestions and you know far too well how and what a nightmare it is to deal with the Insur. crap.
Also my insur. offered an "Advocate" & "personal nurse" to help navigate & push stuff thru the Insur Co. It was just too bad that it took almost 5 yrs for me to find out I even had that service available with my Insur Plan.
So, I'm sitting in limbo for now - not knowing if I'll get approved for the ONLY thing that will fix what's wrong with my back or if I'm in for several more years of debilitating pain 24/7.
That statement alone is so totally identical to the "Abuser" having power over the body again, and again. Just a different entity making a LIFE or DEATH situation.
One last thing, I have been considered in the past for the IDET. My ? to you, is did it help? Even for a short while? I got so sick of taking the many forms of morphine & other drugs & then being physically addicted to them I did a stupid thing and quit cold turkey (made the decision under the influence) - Mostly I am off the pain meds now, but would dearly love to have another steroid shot, but nay I am no longer able to have them. I dream about the time it worked ONCE for me and I felt 16 again. Like dreaming of walking again with out pain or half a leg. It is a joyful memory I travel to when in pain & depressed.
(sorry this is so long winded) The one thing I did tell myself & occassionally tell myself "well finally people can PHYSICALLY see what those bastards did to me" - small compensation but sometimes it does get me thru.
I know you have accepted this as your life, that it has "just become this". I send to you best wishes for less pain, better days and healing.
Thank you for the posting, so many others also experience such severe physical pain.
May Peace Fill Us All, Sammy