My favorite characterisation of Grahams *style* shows up regularly in
a Brittish toilet-humour magazine VIZ. The characters name is Mr Logic,
and if you don't want to kill Mr Logic after ten words of dialogue, there
is generally something wrong with you.
Mr Logic has long been my favourite Viz character. (Unless it be Roger Irrelevant (He's Completely Hatstand).) Here's some dialogue that I rescued from an old mail message. Mr Logic is in charge of the till at the local Off-License (Drink Shop).
Armed Robber: No nonsense. Just give me all your money.
Mr Logic: I shall commence by pointing out to you that my demeanour is
not one which could be described as nonsensical. Consequently I can
attest you have no cause to reprimand me on your first point. On to
your second point: Bearing in mind the potentially lethal situation in
which I find myself, to wit: your presence in conjuction with the
presumably loaded firearm which is presently levelled at my cranium, I
will comply with your request comprehensively, albeit reluctantly.
Here, twenty-seven pence.
Armed Robber: Twenty-seven pence? Fuck off. There's more than that
in the till.
Mr Logic: Indeed, undoubtedly so. However your request was for *my*
money. The currency in the till belongs to a third party and is
therefore not "my money". However, if you are still desirous of said
money I would suggest that you re-phrase your original statement to
recognise and incorporate this important distinction.
Mr Logics home is on fire,.
911 is that the fire department?
Come quickly as my house is in an advanced state of combustion...
he is awesome
It is about a boy (Finbarr) who is always listening in on conversations (often between his divorced mother and their neighbour, Mr. Gimlet, who she constantly ends up having sex with) involving very suggestive and often sexual double entendres. Often he does nothing but sit and laugh, making noises such as "Fnarr! Fnarr!", "Warf! Warf!" and "K-Woo! K-Woo!"
The double entendres include (all are taken from issue 138 of
When talking of his wife's antique camera, a man says "I've spent many a hot afternoon with my face under her hood, flicking away at that button, trying to make those leathery old flaps to open up."
When talking of his picture printing apparatus he says "I've got a small Johnson, but it can enlarge to nigh on a foot when it is turned on a darkened room"
When demonstrating how easy it is to take off the lens he says "A few quick twists of the wrist and it comes off in a couple of seconds... Mind you I haven't had it off in ages, so it was very stiff this morning"
When talking about taking pictures of people he passes on the street, he says "I often startle passers-by when I suddenly pull it out of my trousers and it goes off in their eyes."
When describing the lamp in his darkroom he says "Mine's quite large and glows red at the top"
He is sometimes vistied by his mother's Russian friend, Sergei. Unfortunately, Sergei's English is very bad, which results in his sentences being corrupted in often lewd ways (for instance, "Your mother wants me to fetch her aerosol" becomes "Your mother wants me to felch her arsehole).