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#122864 - 01/01/05 11:37 PM What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Our therapist has us do a "brag" as a way to start each weekly group session. If things have not gone so well during the week, or you really think that you have nothing to brag about, then a good joke is in order. I suppose the exercise is to get us to think more positively, and to maybe do/be more positive during the week.

These brags can be anything from getting the yard in order to taking the girlfriend/spouse out for dinner or having a party. We have one guy who is getting ready to "graduate" from group who took a a 7 week vacation tour of South America; that was worth a couple of brags.

So, what is it that we want to do this year of 2005?
Is this the year that we're going to get a therapist and figure this thing out?
Are we going to paint the house?
Will we do something special for or with the person(s) we love?
Will we disclose what happened to us to the significant people in our lives?
Will we confront the perpetrator(s) in our lives?

My recommendation is to NOT do either of these last two things, disclosing or confronting, without reading Ken Singer's article on the subject, FIRST!!!

I know that there are some real things that we are looking to accomplish this year. What is yours? Will it help to list it here? Will it spoil it to list it here? Or, will it be a positive exercise to write it out here, like a resolution of what we want to happen in our lives? I'm thinking that it will help to actually write out what it is that we want to accomplish this year, that writing it out will help us to realize it.

I'll start by saying that I want to finally record those lullabies that I've wanted to record for all of you. It is the one thing that was positive about me as a father, that I could sing my daughters to sleep. I've thought about how many of us that did not hear lullabies and words of love before going to sleep. As confusing and painful that my childhood was, I remember what a island of love those lullabies were. I will record those favorites of mine and share them with you, if you like. One of the brothers, here, inspired me and it has become my first steps toward recovery.
How will you change your life this year, or what will make you happy in 2005?


"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

#122865 - 01/02/05 12:09 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
Aden Offline

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499

My mom would sing lullabies to me, before she married my first step-father and the abuse began. It is a bittersweet thought. My mothers comforting voice, given over to an abusive monster and his insidious offspring... Sing me to sleep. Please sir, sing!

“Hush little baby. Don’t you cry. Momma’s gonna sing you a lullaby...”

Damn it David, now you have me weeping.

I spent New Years Eve and Morning deep cleaning the house. So as to start the new year somewhat purified. Symbolic I suppose, but practical in its effect.

How do I want to change in the new year? More kindness for myself and openness to others.


#122866 - 01/02/05 12:10 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
That is a great resolution David, what an accomplishment it will be for you to have that lovely piece of your childhood/parenthood recorded.

This year I am committed to making my work life enjoyable and meaningful. Some of that means advocating better for myself and not accepting any more abusive, unethical treatment. Some of it means having the confidence to put my heart into my work.

Truly accepting that these things are possible for me has already brightened my new year.

#122867 - 01/02/05 12:33 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
James_dup1 Offline

Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
I was never sang too as a child. When my daughter was born I went to the libary and checked out a tape so I could learn as many as I could and I sang to her everyday. She just turned 18 and to this day she will still hum "Hush Little Baby" or "This Old Man" \:D


I have more issues than Rolling Stone!

#122868 - 01/02/05 04:20 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
David, I had a nephew of mine stay over, and as I was retiring to do some work on my computer, which really needed to be done, he asked me to read him a story.

Okay, I read one of the chapters, he asks for me, so I read him another one, then he said keep going. I said to him, does nobody ever tell you these stories at home?

His reply was, they do, but not the way you tell it, OK, you win, read half the book, but guess what! I never knew what I was missing.

I try to stay out of cartoon world, another addiction. Hmmm...possibly harmless.

I suppose I got so much of being in his world and becoming part of the story, bringing it to life, in his world of magic, mystery and abandon.

I wish everyone who comes here to have a much better and calmer New Year,


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#122869 - 01/03/05 03:55 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
MikeNY Offline

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
I dunno what I want for 2005. I recently gave the answer to the DaVinci code to the world (I've known the answer for a long time now, even before the book came out, I have just been gathering the scientific FACTS and knowledge to back me up). To solve it, you need to be well versed in everything that DaVinci did, not just his art. I have acted out by speaking against the Corruption and crime in the Church, Govt., and just about everything. I have kicked the bottom of the ladder that science stands on. I have gotten into the faces of politicians around the world. I guess right now, I'm just waiting for the reprecussions to start. If anybody that you know has made it to be on a list of people to be watched by the department of homeland security, it is me. I will also say that this crap is not what my father or my grandfather fought for. I have also checked into leaving the country. People say America, love it or leave it. Have you ever tried to denounce your citizenship? If you haven't, I will be the first to tell you that it isn't that easy. We are slaves here. They own us. If I'm going to be stuck here dealing with all of this crap, they are going to hear about it from me. Power and control are nothing but smoke and mirrors. I know how to get it. I know how to take it away from politicians, etc. too. I am going to give more of it back to the people who make up this country. I am doing things that will either tear this country, and possibly the world apart, or hopefully do some good and move things in a positive direction.

"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

#122870 - 01/03/05 04:09 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
What I want from 2005?

Freedom - Freedom from this crap that's been inflicted on me. Freedom from the impulses of bad behavior. Freedom from the pain of the past. freedom for the future.

Courage - Courage to make the good, healthy choices. Courage to be more honest to myself and others. Courage to be the man I know I can be, that I HAVE to be.

Wisdom - Wisdom to help change a life than needs changing. Wisdom to forge a different, better path than the one I've been travelling on until now. Wisdom to know what IS possible and what is impossible. Wisdom to realize I'm better than my worst acts.

Peace - Peace for myself. Peace for others who are hurting. Peace for the world.

Not too much I want, eh? :rolleyes:

Peace and love to all.


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#122871 - 01/03/05 05:36 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada

Well it is gonna be a banner year for me. I retire December 30,2005. What do I want for me and for all of us. Same thing I always ask for and it gets easier every year.

To accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

The past I cannot change. It happened. All of it. I have forgiven myself for my stupid and dangerous copint strategies. I have forgiven myself for all the guilt and shame and fear that I harboured. We all must do that!!!!!

So my brothers a simple wish for the future. And only tomorrow's sun and our collective determination will make it happen.

To all of you I want 2005 to be the breakout year and that we can help those yet to find us.



#122872 - 01/03/05 06:09 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1799
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
My brag is I have become the person I was meant to be.

In the new year I hope to continue to become even more enlightened, I hope to guide other men to understand the connections between their childhood abuse and the problems they face as adults, and to somehow give back to MS as much as the organization has given me.

#122873 - 01/03/05 11:04 AM Re: What do we want for oursleves in 2005?
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
David - What a wonderful way to start the new year. I never heard lullabies as a child, but have a CD of some done by various contemporary Christian singers that I listen to a lot. I've never thought about it, but now that I do I guess there's a reason I enjoy it so much.

So, some brags for 2004:

* Broke silence on the sexual, physical, and emotional abuse that I had hidden for decades.
* Entered therapy for 5 months.
* Joined Male Survivor - what a difference it made in my perception of all this!

Goals for 2005:

* Continue to conquer my negative views of myself and defeat my fears that have followed me all my life.
* Spend more time with my wife and daughters, since I've learned that they're the ones I truly need in my life.
* Take a damn nice vacation somewhere.



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