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#11722 - 04/16/06 04:04 PM MS and our future as survivors
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Markgreyblue got me thinking about how I as a survivor relate to this site, why I do what I do here, and how I see my future here. As usual, when I get to thinking I want to talk about it.

I have seen some guys come onto the discussion board and announce that they feel they have healed and they don't need this place anymore. They thank the group and are gone. In a way that's great. That particular guy is doing what he sees as best for him. That's what we all have to do.

Mark talks about an earlier step along the path of healing, and speaks of "stepping into a cold pool" when he relates to the "real world". I suppose stepping out into the real world, as it were, may feel like going out into a cold pool because it really IS the real world, a place where we have to take risks and face the real possibility of hurt all over again. But the real world is where everybody, including us, actually lives and where our future actually lies.

That said, as I proceed in my recovery I find myself heading not to a time where I pack up and say goodbye, rather I feel myself becoming ever more committed to this place. I still learn an incredible amount about myself, and I find that sharing with others seems to help both sides. It gives us a sense of fellowship and security that we perhaps need in the real world. Don't we all need safe people in our lives? I don't feel that my friends here are lesser friends because I know them only through this site, email, and so on.

I also feel a sense of obligation and opportunity here. Obligation because I remember what a disaster I was when I first came here - fearful of saying anything, ashamed of everything about me, afraid to face the truth about myself, and convinced that I was beyond help. I was pulled back from that dark place by guys who didn't know me from Adam and cared none the less. Opportunity because I see new guys coming in all the time, and they are in exactly the place I was when I showed up. I see brothers here asking questions that tortured me as well, but which I somehow now feel that I have resolved. Carrying on here gives me an opportunity to "pay it forward", as the saying goes.

I can envisage a time when I will be a healed survivor, but I will always be a survivor - I know that and I don't want it to be different from that. I don't see me walking away from this place. It has somehow become a part of me, a kind of element in the personality that I have developed as a survivor. I don't mean that I am becoming dependent upon MS, but rather that it rings true to me.

It's like sitting in a room full of old 1930s guitars. You give one of them a good solid strum and all the others begin to hum and resonate!

I don't know why I got onto this. Just some thoughts on a calm, quiet, sunny Easter morning, and I wonder what others have to say.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#11723 - 04/16/06 05:08 PM Re: MS and our future as survivors
george of kent Offline

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
I say "Your journey to this time and place is an example to us all." Your candor and integrity have been sources of great healing to many, many wounded brothers." As long as you continue to feel connected to this site, then beneficial energies will continue to flow in both directions, Larry.
At some point, it may become appropriate to move on - for you, or for any of us - little in this world is truly permanent. But for now, at least, I plan to hang around and I am very glad that you seem to feel the same way.
Happy Easter, brother.
Love, etc.,

"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

#11724 - 04/16/06 09:33 PM Re: MS and our future as survivors
Morning Star Offline

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Keep shining Larry!

Only when you have resurrected your own spirit can you understand why you need reach out to others who are at the same place as you were once. That is when you become a channel of light to allow others to reach where you are, and there is no greater joy to see someone cross the threshold, you once did; as it only means more light for you and for the world.


~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

#11725 - 04/16/06 09:54 PM Re: MS and our future as survivors
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

Can you hear me resonating? \:\) My whole being is just twitching and vibrating in rhythm with what you've said. (for those of you who took that to mean anything other than what I meant it to mean, GET YOUR MIND OUTA THE GUTTER!)

Lots of love,


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#11726 - 04/16/06 11:53 PM Re: MS and our future as survivors
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i agree that if i ever get any kind of understanding about the effects of abuse i would be obligated to stay and hopefully be able to reach out to someone who needs me as much as i need this site,hey this is family ,we may grow up but family will always be family .larry i have seen lots of posts that only get one reply and it is always from you ,imagine how those people would feel if you had not responded?because of you they were not alone ,when i first came here you were the first one standing with your hand out to me . thanks for all youv'e done and will continue to do here adam

its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

#11727 - 04/17/06 04:26 AM Re: MS and our future as survivors
kuurt Offline

Registered: 12/23/05
Posts: 168
Loc: louisiana have helped me so much on different occassions, so i can definatly say that i am thankful that you have stayed here at the site. and you know what? just because some people here (like me) look up to you for answers and advise, that doesn't mean that you have to always be strong. you can always turn to us for help and answers too.

"if it keeps on rainin' the levee's gonna break.
and if the levee breaks, i'll have no place to stay"
-led zeppelin

#11728 - 04/17/06 06:11 AM Re: MS and our future as survivors
John Oarc Offline

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Larry I was one of those guys you talked about and I found myself back in here a week or so later. I think that it was volume overload and this site had me thinking so much that I needed a break. However I also needed to talk so I had to come back and all I can say is we need you like we need everyone here, we support each other and with out eachother the site is just a web page. All of you have helped in many ways and Larry replies to almost every post if not all post and I can say that I am thankful for your dedication.

Whatever It Takes, God

#11729 - 04/19/06 04:06 AM Re: MS and our future as survivors
Born to Resist Offline

Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 269
Loc: Southern California, USA

Your responses/support to my posts and your responses to so many posts have been extremely helpful. You need to do what is right for you. What I would want you to consider though is the following. Extending your passion to help on this board to the external world around you. What does this mean? All sorts of things ... as long as you are ready for them. Staring a support group, organizing speakers, helping with legislation, volunteering for crises centers or organizations that active about preventing abuse, big brother to an abuse boy. I raise this because I hope that I can get to a place that besides my support group that I can reach out and help other survivors or prevent the abuse. Something to consider ... when your ready.

Also-many of the biggest steps in my recovery have come from interpersonal face to face "real world" interaction. I've heard one expert state that true recovery only happens in interpersonal face to face interaction (i.e. with a therapist, support group, disclosing to loved ones). I don't necessarily agree that this is "true recovery" but there is something to be said for the huge benefit of doing recovery work in interpersonal relationships.

Personally in regard to this board. I find myself coming back to the board every 5 days. While I intend to extend that to more days, I still intend to return. I can imagine times in the future when I will return daily ... possibly when I'm ready to confront my abusers. It is nice to know that I can come here if I really need to.


#11730 - 04/19/06 06:16 AM Re: MS and our future as survivors
JAAY Offline

Registered: 04/14/04
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC

I think that we all find our own way to contribute and grow. I can tell you this I know that your responses to my postings have made me feel like I am growing and healing. I know that I have been blessed by this place and to have people like you support me. You role here will become clearer as time passes but I hope and pray that you are among my friends for a long time to come.


#11731 - 04/20/06 04:30 AM Re: MS and our future as survivors
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
do they call that thing when guitars 'hum' sustain?

I seem to remember that from 'Spinal Tap'

Whatever, what we get is a kind of 'sustain' as well, we sustain our lives.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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