Pufferfish Story Part 4. ****Triggering****
What's going on here? This is absurd! Is one boy trying to experience all the different types of perps and CSA in one childhood? Isn't there some kind of rule against this? What is the kid some kind of crazy? Who does he to think he is?
Pufferfish is still 10 years old in this story. His Mom and Dad are improving their parenting skills. They are reading to him at bedtime and "tucking him in" at bed time The Dad is not shouting at Pufferfish at dinner time anymore. Pufferfish liked Treasure Island
, and Br'er Rabbit
. Pufferfish is starting to figure out how to do better in school. It was a few weeks since Pufferfish had been raped last by Predator Boy. But now it was time to start school again. This was very scary for Pufferfish. He was going to have to take geography from the dreaded Miss C_ . Ouch!! But Pufferfish's sister had been a favorite of hers, so maybe it would be OK for Pufferfish too.
Little did Pufferfish know that across the street in the big brick house there were 3 brothers. The youngest was 17 and his 2 older brothers were 22 and 21. The youngest was a "perp in training". He was Harvey the rabbit.
Pufferfish had made friends with another little boy in the same block. He was Georgie. They were in different grades, but they rode their bikes to and from school together sometimes. Pufferfish's sister used to tease Georgie with:
Georgie Porgie pudnin' and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the girls came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away.
Pufferfish rode his bicycle home from school with Georgie. It was the first day of school. Georgie told him he had a new friend, and would Pufferfish like to come and meet him? Pufferfish was lonely and said yes. He didn't know that this was one of the kinds of 'hooks' or tricks put out by chicken hawks to catch little boys. They use a friend to invite the little boy and then reward the friend later. Georgie led him to the garage next to the brick house. There was a guy there, 'Harvey the rabbit'. He was 17 years old and had a blond crew cut. He was friendly and seemed to take an interest in Pufferfish and Georgie. He talked with them and laughed and asked them questions. No one ever seemed interested in Pufferfish. No one ever talked to him as a person. Pufferfish told him he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. Harvey told Pufferfish that they could play doctor right now. Only Pufferfish would have to take off all his clothes first and lie on the table. Well, as we've already said, Pufferfish was a slow learner when it came to CSA. So Harvey grabbed the jar of petroleum jelly he had hidden and went to work on Pufferfish's penis. Pufferfish knew what was happening now but it was too late to stop it. Afterward he dressed and had to wait while Harvey worked on Georgie behind a partition. Harvey took much longer with Georgie. Pufferfish got so, so mad as he waited. Pufferfish knew that Harvey had tricked and used him.
School went on for several weeks and Pufferfish didn't see either Harvey or Georgie. Pufferfish's parents started to pack up their belongings. They were preparing to move to a new city. Then on Saturday Georgie came to Pufferfish's house where Pufferfish was watching his parents packing up stuff. Georgie said that the "boys across the street wanted Pufferfish to come over and play." Pufferfish said "no". (Pufferfish could guess what might be happening there, so he was starting to learn to say no). His parents said, "Why don't you go over there and play with the boys?" Pufferfish again said "no" the third time. His parents said louder and more forcefully: "Go over there and play with the boys!". The third time the parents said still louder: "Just go over there and play with the other boys!." So Pufferfish went.
When Pufferfish and Georgie arrived at the garage across the street, Pufferfish was very surprised to see that there was a whole gang of little boys of different ages. Harvey was there and so were his 2 older brothers. They played a game of hop-scotch where the boys crouched down and the boy who was "it" was supposed to jump over the others. If the boy touched the other he had to remove an article of clothing. Well, it didn't take too long until they had a room full of naked little boys. The 3 brothers also removed their clothing. Then the little boys sat around on the work tables while the 3 brothers instructed them. They told them that it was good for boys to play with other boys. Then they played another game. They had a bottle on the floor. The boys in turn had to drop a peg into the bottle. If they got it in, then they were to f - - k the boy that missed. Pufferfish won a round and proceeded with the routine. Finally all the games were over and Harvey and the 2 brothers told the little boys to come on back over if they wanted to learn some other games.
Pufferfish went back home. That night at the dinner table, Pufferfish's father asked him what they were doing over there in the garage. Pufferfish thought, "Oh no, the little boy has told his father who has called my father." So, Pufferfish described in little boy language the very last game. Pufferfish didn't know how to tell him that the whole thing across the street was a ploy to abuse a bunch of little boys and recruit them for the perp's future use and to even distort their concepts of right and wrong. Pufferfish didn't know to say that. His father had ORDERED him to go over there, so certainly he would know that and take responsibility for what happened.
Pufferfish?s father heard the description of sexual activity and went completely livid with rage. He ground his teeth and ran around the table and pulled the chair from under Pufferfish. He in rage lifted Pufferfish up by his ankles and started to bang Pufferfish's head on the floor as the chair clattered to the floor. He ground out the words "You G - - D - - - - little queer, if you're going to be homosexual, I might as well kill you right now." The father reached for the knife drawer to pull out a knife. The Mother said something and the father dropped the boy on the floor and huffed out of the room. Pufferfish went out the other door and sat on the basement stairs. He was in kind of a shock.
That same night when Pufferfish was almost asleep, his father came in to his room and flicked the lights on. He took his belt off. He yanked the blanket and sheet off of Pufferfish. He ripped off Pufferfish's pajama top and began beating him across the back with his belt. Whap, whap, whap, whap, whap, whap, whap. Pufferfish cried out loudly, hoping the neighbors would hear and rescue him. (They didn't). Then the daddy got a broom and ripped down Pufferfish's pajama bottoms. Holding the broom in his hand, he said: "I'll show you what it feels like." The mother said, "Oh, No....don't". The daddy dropped the broom and huffed out of the room.
A few days later Pufferfish felt very, very sad. Pufferfish had a secret climbing tree where could climb up and no one could see him. he felt very sad as he climbed up the tree to his secret place and then said over and over and over to himself: "No one loves me, no one loves me, no one loves me, no one loves me, no one loves me...."
Pufferfish avoided his father from then on, especially on Saturday when his father was not working. Pufferfish would go out into the nearby forest and sit amidst the trees and think.
Here is the actual drawing that Pufferfish made in school the day after being abused. It shows him at the steering wheel of a little airplane which was going to whisk him right on up and out of there.
Looking back on this today, what can we say? Pufferfish was tricked and hurt in many ways that would require many years to heal. Pufferfish was obeying his parents. The parents did not win the grand prize in parenting that day . Pufferfish many years later in thinking of this decided that probably both of his parents had been victims of CSA. The father had stored up immense feelings which got unfairly dumped on Pufferfish. What Pufferfish needed was affirmation. He needed his daddy to put his arm around him and say, "Well, son this is what's what. What happened was not good and you don't want it to happen again. I'm sorry I made you go back over there.? Etc., etc.
Pufferfish has wondered what God was thinking when this happened and why God didn't stop it. Pufferfish has found some words that he feels are God's thoughts about him in that situation:
God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called . . . . . from heaven and said . . . , "What is the matter, . . . Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Genesis 21:17 NIV
. . . evil men and (seducers) will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. 2 Tim 3:13 (NIV)
. . . replied, "Didn't I tell you not to sin against the boy? But you wouldn't listen! Now we must give an accounting . . . . ." Genesis 42:22 NIV
It would be better for him (the perp) to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. Luke 17:2 (NIV)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Ps 147:3 NIV
The LORD replies, "I have seen violence done to the helpless,
and I have heard the groans of the poor.
Now I will rise up to rescue them,
as they have longed for me to do."
Ps 12:5 NLT