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Introductions
Jump to new posts Re: New to site by sorryson @ 03/27/17 05:33 PM

AdamAnt I drop in every so often. This site has helped me to be a better me. I learn from everyone and it is a place I can share and vent. Everyone here has been great to me. I hope the site helps you and you heal. Paul
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Need to vent by greenwizard @ 03/27/17 05:32 PM

Feeling a little better today I think. Most people said good things about me, but that one supposed friend treating me that way, that really stung.
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Something I Realized About Myself by sorryson @ 03/27/17 05:31 PM

Kevin to feel trapped is natural. You were held against your will and had to relive it over and over in your home. I do not blame you. I like being at the window on a plane and staring out pretending no one is there. Take care of yourself. Paul
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Need to vent by sorryson @ 03/27/17 05:30 PM

Greenwizard vent all you want. I have done it many times. I sometimes feel better when it is over. You did not want any of what happened to you to happen. It was not your fault. Listen to yourself and not other people. Take care of yourself Paul
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: ***TRIGGERS*** The worse thing I've ever done by sorryson @ 03/27/17 05:28 PM

BDD I read this several times. It is so sad you lived through so much. All those years imagining the worse for your friend and the guilt you had thinking it was your fault. I do not know what to say, you have let it out so hopefully it helped you. Y
Books, Music & Films for Survivors
Jump to new posts current reading by Tom E. @ 03/27/17 04:16 PM

Hi guys I'm currently reading "On Being Raped", by Raymond M. Douglas. It's a heavy read. Spells out the horror of rape as it's happening and the aftermath, the long term effects. Tom E
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: ***TRIGGERS*** The worse thing I've ever done by SmartShadow @ 03/27/17 02:14 PM

Wow Brian, this is really a heart breaking set of memories. I can understand you concern about what you did and how you may have effected this guy and I am not saying there's no reason to have regret but man what you were dealing with. To me this st
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Feeling devastated by motmcd @ 03/27/17 01:42 PM

I hear you, batman72. Your "target to everyone" comment struck a nerve with me. I remember such feelings along the way. I just started listening to Beyond Betrayal, by Richard B. Gartner, Ph.D., and in the early pages of his book, Gartne
Introductions
Jump to new posts Re: New to site by Shyshark @ 03/27/17 01:42 PM

I'm very glad that you have found us.
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: How much should CSA effects dictate actions? by WontGiveUp @ 03/27/17 01:29 PM

Thanks Chase Eric, I need all the luck I can get. I dont know about the responsibility thing, part of his problem is he takes none for anything, and its always "something else caused this" - he very much has a victim mentality. I suspect
Health and Wellbeing
Jump to new posts Re: bodywork movement stuff that helps by focusedbody @ 03/27/17 01:05 PM

Linear: Yes, this is a very effective exercise. I'm wondering if you have combined it with anything else, as part of the article suggests trying also. FB
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Need to vent by bluesky @ 03/27/17 12:53 PM

Like I said if it was against your will that's what it was at any age male or female.
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: How much should CSA effects dictate actions? by Chase Eric @ 03/27/17 12:26 PM

Thank you and good luck. It may help him to know that he isn't responsible for fixing anything. He doesn't need to fix himself, his marriage, or the world. All he is responsible for is to open his mind and simply look. Look hard. Look back. Too
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: How much should CSA effects dictate actions? by WontGiveUp @ 03/27/17 12:25 PM

Oh I also wanted to add as well, that the depression he has is probably related to the CSA - but indirectly. I think its a lot to do with the choices he has made in his life, and those choices were flavored by his self hatred, and control issues tha
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: How much should CSA effects dictate actions? by WontGiveUp @ 03/27/17 12:12 PM

Chase Eric, WOW... your post was so beautiful... What you say about healing, I can see that 100%. I also agree that not every disfunction can be or should be tied to CSA trauma, and it might be that my husband would have had some of the same issue
Sexual Identity Issues
Jump to new posts Re: ***TRIGGERS***So here I am by Jay1946 @ 03/27/17 11:56 AM

Originally Posted By grayONEIm very fearful to have children especially a boy. I feel I havent been able to manage this world well how can I teach another male to. Maybe he'll resent me, or think I'm weak. Maybe i'll be detached and unable to show hi
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: How much should CSA effects dictate actions? by Chase Eric @ 03/27/17 11:34 AM

I haven't had time to read through every response in this long thread, but I will add a short one that really addresses the title of the thread itself. We don't recover. That is the truth I have discovered. Others' truths may vary. In my opinion,
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: How much should CSA effects dictate actions? by WontGiveUp @ 03/27/17 10:55 AM

Get this, so I have been working very hard to eliminate things I do that are hurtful to my husband, utilizing a book called "Love Busters". Things like angry outbursts, disrepectful judgements, selfish demands, etc... There are 6 catagor
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: How much should CSA effects dictate actions? by WontGiveUp @ 03/27/17 10:42 AM

Elad1, Its very hard to do everything in your power to be nice, supportive and loving - to only be told you are worth what ever your bankaccount will provide. It sounds like your partner isnt flipping back and forth between wanting to stay, wantin
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Trigger Warning-What's Next by zookeeper @ 03/27/17 10:33 AM

Thank you guys B
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: How much should CSA effects dictate actions? by WontGiveUp @ 03/27/17 10:33 AM

So - the thing is, he WANTS to leave, its not me debating on letting him stay. He is the one who, though has been working hard on improving his interaction with me, has decided that he still wants to leave me. Its really a matter of me being OK eno
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Something I Realized About Myself by BDD @ 03/27/17 09:45 AM

Kevin, There is nothing ridiculous about it. You know what trapped is. Do what you need to to feel safe in the world.
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Something I Realized About Myself by KMCINVA @ 03/27/17 09:37 AM

I have always hated feeling trapped. I was at a brunch this weekend and it was time to sit down. The table was one with one side of seating being built into the wall and the other chairs. I was standing and was being pushed to sit on the inside of t
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Need to vent by greenwizard @ 03/27/17 08:13 AM

I was an adult, this wasn't that long ago. I'm just so frustrated. I guess he wasn't a very good friend, but the attitude that still exists that a man cannot be raped, especially by a woman. It's probably why my attacker got away with things for s
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Feeling devastated by KMCINVA @ 03/27/17 08:04 AM

Batman72 As others have said be kind to yourself, find support and a place you can feel safe. I lived it and made the mistake of staying around too long. It pushed me and still does not because I am there but I hear their lies and distortion of the
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