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Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: The growth of rage!! Trigger?? Probably!! by Ceremony @ 07/21/17 12:36 PM

My body is dumped with whatever... You know it must be cortisol, that's what I trained it to do... self harm!! It's never been easy to think, and I get into this with a lot of intensity. I think a lot, riiiight! Who knows me, knows this. I'm a tens
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: The growth of rage!! Trigger?? Probably!! by Ceremony @ 07/21/17 12:33 PM

I guess, no, I'm not Ok... Trying to breath... trying to type... missing keys... crying and that's not good enough...
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts The growth of rage!! Trigger?? Probably!! by Ceremony @ 07/21/17 12:26 PM

This is how my mind gets to rage, the steps I'm doing right this moment which get me into that state: 1)I'm thinking about Chester Bennington, and he's a survivor who is now gone. Call: Lifeline if you're triggered. 2)I've been reading about my
Yale Research Project
Jump to new posts Re: Seventh Discussion Question: Applying research by Ceremony @ 07/21/17 12:10 PM

Originally Posted By vsimiola Do you ever make use of research findings in your life? If so, how? I have answered my own question and the DSM V and supplements still ignore the well established research results by the ACE team and many others who re
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: Help in am feeling the insanity.... by md4e @ 07/21/17 12:00 PM

Thank you so much for validation. Brene Brown is wonderful!!! My H and I have all her books on my tablet, Those times we listen to her are some of the best...connecting, HH your words to me today are just what I needed, confirming by feelings and b
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: Help in am feeling the insanity.... by HealingHope @ 07/21/17 11:34 AM

I've been thinking bout you,D and I'm so sorry its hurting so much today. I like you gain so much from the safety of sharing here, you're not alone. It's interesting you say about letting yourself be vulnerable? I've just finished daring greatly by
Off Topic
Jump to new posts Re: Chester Bennington Suicide, Sexual Abuse by KMCINVA @ 07/21/17 11:07 AM

It seems I have heard of a few suicides over the past month or so. Sad--but I know failure of people to see depression, past life experiences as precursors troubles me. Each suicide hits me and I think what were they feeling at the end--a need to rel
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: Help in am feeling the insanity.... by Ceremony @ 07/21/17 10:54 AM

I agree... it's helpful for me too.
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: not sure about this by dark empathy @ 07/21/17 10:53 AM

@Greenwizard as someone who found pretty much anything and everything to do with sex triggering to a lesser or greater degree, from nudity, to explicit humour, I definitely know where your coming from with this. Like you I found things I had previou
Sexual Identity Issues
I am a real male. I don't know what a real man is or rather, I think there are different kinds of men. I guess on a sliding scale, (since I think in pictures) say from 1 - 50, 1 being all male and 50 being all female, I'd be at around 40? Depends
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: Help in am feeling the insanity.... by md4e @ 07/21/17 10:29 AM

Just wanted to say, I feel better after I share, after I let myself be vulnerable.....everyone can Thanks for witnessing D
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Help in am feeling the insanity.... by md4e @ 07/21/17 10:00 AM

I'm drowning in the insanity that csa leaves behind. I see who he is in those glimpses when he is totally present. But when I'm responded to like I'm the enemy..ouch How do you keep it up, I love him, I want to be with him. I plan trips and outings
Books, Music & Films for Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Music influnces, songs and talk. by Ceremony @ 07/21/17 09:53 AM

Chris Cornell's passing in May, 2017 impacted our brother Chester Bennington very deeply and our minds have their own wiring truths. This complex ptsd deeply associated with the events of the past hurt and we have mind messes, mind storms, tornados t
Off Topic
Jump to new posts Re: Chester Bennington Suicide, Sexual Abuse by Ceremony @ 07/21/17 09:42 AM

Yes. like Kevin mentions, call for assistance like this "Lifeline" How are you Kevin? Our sensitivities to the actions of others are in me deeply. I know how I'm triggered and I am. So, my dear brother, I project and know. Too, knowing f
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: RIP Chester Bennington by Ceremony @ 07/21/17 09:33 AM

I hope everyone is Ok? Chester was an amazing artist of pain. Talk to the brothers, call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit Lifeline
Introductions
Jump to new posts Re: Just a quick Intro by MACH123 @ 07/21/17 09:21 AM

Yes hi. I said it another way recently, "the abuser gets internalized and becomes invisible." Now the survivor is in constant pain mostly at his own hand. Welcome.
Health and Wellbeing
Jump to new posts Re: Need Low Testosterone Doctor by bluesky @ 07/21/17 08:58 AM

Drs that specialize in hormonal imbalances are called endocrinologists, also some urologists do deal with this. when looking for a Dr I look for those that are rated well on line I then look at their website if they have one. If I like what I see I
Off Topic
Jump to new posts Chester Bennington Suicide, Sexual Abuse by KMCINVA @ 07/21/17 08:29 AM

I saw this article and it hit home--the power of childhood sexual abuse and how it impacts so many. Bennington spoke of his childhood sexual abuse, rape and how the memories made him go crazy. It most likely played into his suicide. So sad and so sad
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts RIP Chester Bennington by DanielQ432 @ 07/21/17 08:02 AM

He wrote pretty extensively about being abused in his childhood and the aftermath. Alas, we lost one of our brothers. https://g.co/kgs/uiUvKJ
Introductions
Jump to new posts Re: Just a quick Intro by BDD @ 07/21/17 07:44 AM

meowsers, I just wanted to add that my assault wasn't severe. But it is the moment my entire life changed. In under 2 minutes my sexuality was poisoned, my understanding of gender was skewed and so much of me almost died under the shame. It's hard n
Sexual Identity Issues
Jump to new posts Re: A girlz eye view by MACH123 @ 07/21/17 07:33 AM

I have learned so much about this in the past little while. For me, it has been so liberating and, thank goodness, I have the people around me who can see the positive changes in me. (That way I know I'm not imagining it lol) What I am and what I
Off Topic
Jump to new posts Re: Wonder about my existence by George @ 07/21/17 06:39 AM

Hi Kevin, You are certainly valued & welcome here. We all are weary at times from all of pressure the abuse puts on our sanity over the years. We totally understand how you feel Brother. I hope that you get the much needed rest that need. We al
Introductions
Jump to new posts Re: Just a quick Intro by BDD @ 07/21/17 05:46 AM

Hi meowsers, Great suggestion by your T! I've struggled with intimacy also. By working on myself, I've made changes I long ago gave up on. It's hard to talk about what we need to, but it is well worth the effort. Good luck on your journey.
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts I've gotten use to these feelings by Tryingtolive @ 07/21/17 03:42 AM

This feeling of no fulfillment. Almost like a dim of gray. Everything i see. This feeling of no attachment. Lack of connection. No communication from others. This feeling of sensitivity. No justice. Complete stubbornness. This feeling of being lost
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Compulsion by DanielQ432 @ 07/21/17 03:30 AM

The neeurochemical concept of iit being sn addictive behavior makes sense. After all, I think it's probably safe to say to the last man every man here on this forum has PTSD, so we all have altered neurochemistry. it becomes this self-perpetuating
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